here we go again....

I am off again to bell'Italia! My mom and I are heading out in a half an hour to get to the airport to see if my huge suitcases weigh-in under 51 lbs. and to collect our strength and courage as we once again say good-bye. These past 3 months at home have been so healing and I just pray that this next step, this next adventure will happen with grace, love and faith in every choice and with every morning.

Ciao with love!

one week left

I grabbed a cup of coffee, a cozy ear warmer, ipod and gloves to sit on my favorite bench overlooking the Puget Sound tonight. This bench, dedicated to a Florence Sterling, says,

"WAVES ROLL IN, CLOUDS PART
SEA AND SKY EVER CHANGING
CALM MY RESTLESS SOUL"

I am leaving for Napoli in a week and will see Antonello after 3 months of a much needed rest at home. I will miss this bench and this beautiful neighborhood I grew up in, but am in need of this adventure and the inevitable 'change' that life holds. Perhaps it will help calm my restless soul.

MAMMA MIA!

MAMMA MIA, what a week full of emotions! Up and down, down and up....

Well, my dear friends, things have once again changed and boy, am I humbled. I am humbled because that beautiful, little dream apartment has once again become a reality. My mom, Antonello, and his family, are all going to pitch in and make this happen and I am so humbled and thankful for all of them. I have felt for so long that I haven't had a family and now God has blessed me, not only with a strong, courageous, beautiful mom, but also with a gigantic Italian family that is generous beyond words. I guess this is what families do for each other and I am so blessed to have all of them in my story.

Here are some more pictures that Antonello took, this time with his real camera. You will see a new white couch, the entryway, my orange Rachael Ray bathroom :), and a view looking up to my place.

I leave in a week to head back to Napoli. EVERY night, I lay in my bed thinking about moving, again, to a new place and about my job opportunity to work as a guide in Pompeii and leaving my mom at the airport again and leaving dear friends again, and being surrounded by a language, again, that is so beautiful but so frustrating to learn......but with all of those "again's", I wouldn't trade it for anything. With this whole Italian adventure and living down in Santa Cruz for 6 years prior, I have learned so much about myself; some things I would just as soon keep locked up in my own little vault but in order to grow and change, they have to be released. For those of you who know me, know I am a very emotional person and that can be a healthy thing as well as a detriment; a stopper to growth.

About 4/5 years ago, I started reading this book that my roommate, Cara (hi Rooms!) had recommended, called 'Girl Meets God' and I wrote down something that rocked my world at that time and even more so now.

"He (God) is calling me to a place where He is truer than
everything else, truer even than how I feel."

As I head back to Napoli, and have started truly releasing/admitting/recognizing how powerful my emotions can be, I so desperately want God to be truer than them; to find a way to make this a reality for my life as I am faced with another life-changing move. I feel like it's more important now than ever.

foolish

I feel so incredibly foolish for believing that the studio that Antonello found would work out. It has gone from 95% sure to 5% possible. He met with the landlord today to finalize rent/deposit and it just doesn't look like it's going to work out after all. I don't want to let money get in my way of this possibility but as I walked outside searching for it, I didn't see any growing on trees.

To go from such a high to such a low is beyond discouraging.

happy tears

Isn't it funny/frustrating/amazing how things have a way of working themselves out? Funny & amazing because it seems impossible and unreachable at first...and frustrating because of all the emotion and worry you spend on thinking if it will work out or how it will work out. I have been thinking/stressing/praying for a place to live when I return to Napoli and it just so happened that today may have provided such a place...about 95% sure. :) Antonello and his mom went and looked at a beautiful (& NEW) apartment today in downtown Napoli, right on Corso Umberto, the street that led to my language school in the fall. The landlord was wonderful and the place was clean and beautiful and it's close to where Marina, Antonello's mom works, and it's SO close to Piazza Garibaldi where the train station is, and it's surrounded by clothes/shoe stores :), and I could go on and on and on!!!!!!!!!!

I feel as though my heart is exploding with joy whenever I think about it. I know when I go back, (in exactly 3 weeks) that I will probably face some culture shock again and that it will definitely take some time to adjust back into speaking italian but with this new place (if it ALL works out), I can have a little of my independence back. I will be able to experience more of 'me' in that beautiful country...I pray.

Here are a few pictures that Antonello took with his camera phone, so the quality isn't that great but you get the idea!

the little kitchen with a brand new little table (with it's cover still on!)

there is an upstairs/downstairs where the kitchen and bathroom are downstairs and the bedroom is at the top of the stairs.

of course every apartment has a little balcony! (taken from inside the apartment)

Stati Uniti for another month!!

I am still trying to figure out my housing situation and also some job opportunities when I get back to Napoli so I figured I needed a little more time in the states to get that sorted out...as much as I can. So, I changed my ticket from the end of February to the end of March and am so ready to have another month to be with my mom, with friends and to stuff my nose in my italian books. I have a couple leads on some apartments/studios and can feel God just holding me and telling my heart to be patient and to, "Live for this day, Sarah."

So, I have been trying to do just that...which is a lot easier said than done. Personally, I LOVE to live in the future and often my best friend, 'WHAT IF' accompanies me on my journey and in my thoughts. Today I push that voice aside and rejoice in my beautiful story and rejoice in my beautiful fiance. I found a picture of him when he was younger, sitting on a beach in southern Italy; for him, I am grateful. Because of him, I am a better woman. With him, I grow.

Thank you Antonello.

where to build the nest?

For the past few days, I have bundled up, grabbed my hat and my ipod, and have set out on daily walks, usually ending up looking out over Puget Sound on Magnolia Blvd. It has helped tremendously to center my thoughts and to pray about my 'unknown' future I am facing.

I have also been paying more attention to trees. I have been finding such beauty in them; in their tangled branches & in their strength. As I have been walking and looking at them, there have been many nests in those tangled branches as well. Each walk has brought another new nest and it got me thinking about these bird "houses". After my walk today, I came home and googled what it takes to make one...

Nests don't just show up overnight; birds have to first fly around, find and decide what tree they would like to settle into, then, they can start to build. Finding and collecting sticks, feathers, leaves, etc., to build their 'home', can finally begin after that crucial step in deciding where to live.

I feel like I am in the process of beginning to build my 'nest'. I have to first decide the 'where' part, which explains me flying around from Italy to the States and back again. When this can finally be decided, the building can begin. The sticks, feathers, and leaves can be collected and the building can start. I just want to choose the best and strongest tree for myself and the other little "bird" in my life. :)