being a light

"For with you is the fountain of life, in your light we see light." Psalm 36:9

"You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:14

I lit a candle tonight but I couldn't see the light hardly at all. The wick had huge walls of wax surrounding it and that little light wasn't able to shine bright. I thought to myself how our lives can become surrounded by walls and how sometimes we have to get through those walls and break them down for our light to be seen once again.

So, I took a kitchen knife and carefully cut around the candle leaving the wick as free and happy as a little wick could be. I lit it and am staring at a beautiful light and wishing that breaking down the "walls" could be as easy as it was for me with my little candle tonight.

long overdue

I can't start this post without first making myself some Napoletano espresso...be right back.

Okay, that's better. I not only feel like I have been absent from the blogging world but also the world in general. I just finished my first year of teaching English at a little private school called St. Peter's and boy, was it stretching. I absolutely LOVED the location of my school, which sat right across the street from the sea and my favorite little coffee shop but the teaching itself was a lot different from any other school I have taught at. For discipline, I had to rely on hand signals (good hand signals) and small phrases in Italian at the beginning. :) It definitely was worth all the, "I don't understand," and "Could you repeat that please?" At the end of the school year, hearing all my beautiful students speak English, whether it be basic or almost fluent, my heart took joy in their joy.

My mom came to visit me in my little Italian world for Easter and it was a trip we will carry with us forever. We had a magical time, exploring Napoli, then Roma for 2 weeks and I am just so proud that she took that step to get on the plane. I know it can be very scary to travel internationally but she did it, and did it with grace. After being blessed with my mom's presence, my beautiful cousin came over as well. We spent 2 weeks laughing, crying, eating, walking, visiting, taking pictures, making memories and picking up where we left off 7 years ago. It was so refreshing for me to spend time with pieces of my heart and to show them my life.

Now, I'm sitting in my little studio, listening to the sounds of scooters and Italians talking (screaming) back and forth to each other and wondering how in the world I ended up in this place. I have been here for 2 years, on my own for over a year and I'm still not married nor have any concrete plans for it in the future. Antonello is working hard to finish school and his thesis so he can graduate in October and then find a job to start earning some money. Does everything revolve around having enough money?

I sat and read my blog from the very beginning and could see God's fingerprints all over this story of Antonello and I. It brought me back to the place where I was so stinkin' excited for this unknown adventure! As I write this entry after being here for 2 years, with Antonello for almost 3, those fingerprints are harder to see but I think that may be because I am blind. :) I don't think I would ever recommend someone to pick up all their belongings and move away from everything they have ever known, all their friends and family and all that they hold safe to start a life somewhere new and unfamiliar. It has been difficult and it is difficult and I am just trying to see and find those fingerprints again.

When I do see them though, it's like they have been there all along. They are bright and true and in my face and all I can say is, thank you God. Thank you for bringing me here, stretching me, refining me and not letting me stay the same.

I finished my espresso and always feel better to be able to share my heart, even if it is in a blog.

30 days and Antonello and I will be in Seattle, hoping to see more fingerprints.