This is my little cousin Sam. I adore him. That is "Blue", his toy dog sitting on top of his head with his hands in his pockets. I am thankful beyond words to have him in my life. I just wanted to share a little glimpse of this gift from God.
My other love and the one who inspires me daily is this beautiful woman. My mom. We took this picture at Christmas in front of our tree and I just can't wait to see her in two months when she flies across the ocean to visit me for Easter. I miss her...
Once again, time seems to have slipped through my little fingers and the first thing to go is...the blog. :( So, here is a little tid-bit of how I spent my time during my time back in Seattle for Christmas break.
My beautiful cousin, Jillian, came up to Seattle from Olympia to stay with my mom and I for the weekend after Christmas and we had a blast, reconnecting, shopping, eating, cooking dinner, singing, and just laughing about all our wonderful memories growing up. It was a hard Christmas for her and her brothers, seeing that her mom, my aunt, just passed away months before. I am so grateful for the time I spent with her and she is now in the planning stages of buying a ticket to come visit me this summer! Wohoo!
Then, the kicker. I think back and read through my journals of how I ended up here in the first place. God brought me to California, to Twin Lakes Church, to go on a missions trip, to be placed with Antonello's family for lunch that Sunday, to take an Italian class at Cabrillo College where my professor adored Napoli and knew of a great Italian school I could go to, to go to that same exact Italian school, to find an apartment right across the street from where his mom works, to have someone at Antonello's church, recommend me for a job teaching English, to being hired to work for St. Peter's where I am currently working....
...am I satisfied? I feel as though my spirit longs for my "comfortable" life I had back in the States but I have to stop myself and think. I would have missed out on seeing and living this beautiful plan that is now part of me.
I am reading back through one of my favorite books, "Ruthless Trust", by Brennan Manning, and I will leave my post with this:
"The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise."
Am I satisfied? Tonight, I'm overflowing...
Antonello threw me a surprise birthday dinner for my 30th and I felt so blessed to share it with his family and a few friends. Some of our friends couldn't make it because of the flu that has been wandering around but it was wonderful none-the-less.
I worked a very long day on the 14th, from 11:30-7:00 pm that night, so I was pretty exhausted by the time Antonello picked me up from work. He drove me back home so I could rest a while and then get ready for our "date" together. I had no idea that he was planning this dinner so when I walked into the restaurant and saw little 'nonna' (grammy) standing there trying to hide, I knew something special was up.
It was a wonderful night full of amazing appetizers, wonderful pasta and bread, and champagne with strawberry/whip-cream cake to top it off.
I thought I had opened all my presents but his parents were saving this one for me as a surprise
It has been awhile since my last post and so much has happened in the last 3 months. I found a wonderful job at a private school teaching English and even have a couple private lessons at my house during the week. It has provided a level of stability that I so desperately needed. I am finding my way around the city, and although the bus is still difficult to take, I am experiencing Napoli in such a different, beautiful light.
I am so so so looking forward to traveling back to the States for Christmas and having some time off of work, of a different country, of a different language, etc., but I will miss my love. :o)
There was a point, a wall, that I hit sometime in these last three months where I didn't think I could fall deeper in my culture shock, what am I doing, this isn't for me, I miss my comfortable life I used to have, HOLE. I fell into a hole that surrounded me and wouldn't let me go. I was feeling pretty horrible, to say the least, with all my different emotions/feelings/actions/words/thoughts and I prayed every day for some kind of release, for some kind of answer.
Isn't it usually true, that the way we come to a place of light is by going through all the darkness and climbing our way through those holes? Well, I've been doing alot of climbing and am coming to a place in my life where I can finally see how beautiful it is. Not because I'm living in Italy. Not because I'm engaged. Not because I'm living some sort of romantic movie because I'm not. I'm seeing how beautiful God is through all of this and that is a song worth singing.
I am grateful to live life among these Italians, with Antonello, with his family and now with my new work family. WOO-HOO for a new song!
My aunt died at 7:17 on Sunday night. Her four children, my mother, and her 2 best friends of 45 years were by her side as she breathed her last. I am so thankful that she was surrounded by people who loved her so very much.
I was so blessed to be able to go home for a couple weeks to see her. We laughed together as we remembered when she bet me $5 at dinner one night to order like Jim Carrey and at Christmas one year, she asked me to count all the Christmas lights I saw on the houses as I went light-looking with my cousins one evening. I think I was about 6 or 7 at the time and when I came back to her house that night, I told her I counted about 1,000. It sounded like a HUGE number to me and I was so proud I counted all of them for her.
The funeral will be in a couple of weeks and as hard as it is for me to be so far away from my mom and the rest of my cousins, I am at peace because my aunt's body is finally at peace. It has been a rough road for her in life and I am thankful she is seated gently in God's mighty hand.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
My aunt is dying of cancer.
It feels so strange to type those words. Everytime I think about it, my mind sees her laying in bed, with her weak body and bald head surrounded by her four children that are watching their mother die. Before future weddings. Before more grandchildren. My heart breaks to think of it, to picture her, to picture my cousins, to picture my already broken family, and to picture my own mom...and can't imagine having to go through the same thing with her.
So many feelings are racing through my already crowded heart. I fly home this Friday for two weeks to be with my mom and to spend time with my aunt. I don't know if there will be a funeral that I am going to have to attend while I am home; I am just praying/begging/hoping for some kind of unity/peace/reconciliation within my family during this time, through our grief and sorrow.
She is scared to die...and is just waiting for it to happen. What a lonely place to be in. I'm sitting here at my computer, crying, writing this blog in Italy, and feeling how extremely far away, physically, I am from her. I can only cry out and ask God to cover her, my cousins, and her brother and sisters with His tender touch and comfort.
Would you join me?
