here we go again....

I am off again to bell'Italia! My mom and I are heading out in a half an hour to get to the airport to see if my huge suitcases weigh-in under 51 lbs. and to collect our strength and courage as we once again say good-bye. These past 3 months at home have been so healing and I just pray that this next step, this next adventure will happen with grace, love and faith in every choice and with every morning.

Ciao with love!

one week left

I grabbed a cup of coffee, a cozy ear warmer, ipod and gloves to sit on my favorite bench overlooking the Puget Sound tonight. This bench, dedicated to a Florence Sterling, says,

"WAVES ROLL IN, CLOUDS PART
SEA AND SKY EVER CHANGING
CALM MY RESTLESS SOUL"

I am leaving for Napoli in a week and will see Antonello after 3 months of a much needed rest at home. I will miss this bench and this beautiful neighborhood I grew up in, but am in need of this adventure and the inevitable 'change' that life holds. Perhaps it will help calm my restless soul.

MAMMA MIA!

MAMMA MIA, what a week full of emotions! Up and down, down and up....

Well, my dear friends, things have once again changed and boy, am I humbled. I am humbled because that beautiful, little dream apartment has once again become a reality. My mom, Antonello, and his family, are all going to pitch in and make this happen and I am so humbled and thankful for all of them. I have felt for so long that I haven't had a family and now God has blessed me, not only with a strong, courageous, beautiful mom, but also with a gigantic Italian family that is generous beyond words. I guess this is what families do for each other and I am so blessed to have all of them in my story.

Here are some more pictures that Antonello took, this time with his real camera. You will see a new white couch, the entryway, my orange Rachael Ray bathroom :), and a view looking up to my place.

I leave in a week to head back to Napoli. EVERY night, I lay in my bed thinking about moving, again, to a new place and about my job opportunity to work as a guide in Pompeii and leaving my mom at the airport again and leaving dear friends again, and being surrounded by a language, again, that is so beautiful but so frustrating to learn......but with all of those "again's", I wouldn't trade it for anything. With this whole Italian adventure and living down in Santa Cruz for 6 years prior, I have learned so much about myself; some things I would just as soon keep locked up in my own little vault but in order to grow and change, they have to be released. For those of you who know me, know I am a very emotional person and that can be a healthy thing as well as a detriment; a stopper to growth.

About 4/5 years ago, I started reading this book that my roommate, Cara (hi Rooms!) had recommended, called 'Girl Meets God' and I wrote down something that rocked my world at that time and even more so now.

"He (God) is calling me to a place where He is truer than
everything else, truer even than how I feel."

As I head back to Napoli, and have started truly releasing/admitting/recognizing how powerful my emotions can be, I so desperately want God to be truer than them; to find a way to make this a reality for my life as I am faced with another life-changing move. I feel like it's more important now than ever.

foolish

I feel so incredibly foolish for believing that the studio that Antonello found would work out. It has gone from 95% sure to 5% possible. He met with the landlord today to finalize rent/deposit and it just doesn't look like it's going to work out after all. I don't want to let money get in my way of this possibility but as I walked outside searching for it, I didn't see any growing on trees.

To go from such a high to such a low is beyond discouraging.

happy tears

Isn't it funny/frustrating/amazing how things have a way of working themselves out? Funny & amazing because it seems impossible and unreachable at first...and frustrating because of all the emotion and worry you spend on thinking if it will work out or how it will work out. I have been thinking/stressing/praying for a place to live when I return to Napoli and it just so happened that today may have provided such a place...about 95% sure. :) Antonello and his mom went and looked at a beautiful (& NEW) apartment today in downtown Napoli, right on Corso Umberto, the street that led to my language school in the fall. The landlord was wonderful and the place was clean and beautiful and it's close to where Marina, Antonello's mom works, and it's SO close to Piazza Garibaldi where the train station is, and it's surrounded by clothes/shoe stores :), and I could go on and on and on!!!!!!!!!!

I feel as though my heart is exploding with joy whenever I think about it. I know when I go back, (in exactly 3 weeks) that I will probably face some culture shock again and that it will definitely take some time to adjust back into speaking italian but with this new place (if it ALL works out), I can have a little of my independence back. I will be able to experience more of 'me' in that beautiful country...I pray.

Here are a few pictures that Antonello took with his camera phone, so the quality isn't that great but you get the idea!

the little kitchen with a brand new little table (with it's cover still on!)

there is an upstairs/downstairs where the kitchen and bathroom are downstairs and the bedroom is at the top of the stairs.

of course every apartment has a little balcony! (taken from inside the apartment)